Member-only story
Demisexual. The word was invented on AVEN forums in 2006. It was discussed after some people brought it sometimes feeling sexual attraction, or feeling it under a specific circumstance. Over time, more words have been invented to discuss existing between the space of allosexual and asexual, describing different specific experiences that we didn’t have words for. That’s what humans do; we think, we discuss, we invent ways to describe what we’re feeling that weren’t invented before.
Some who try to dismiss demisexuality specifically say that it was made on a tumblr role play forum, but a quick google search will tell you that’s not true; it’s a rumor made up to dismiss demisexuality. But maybe that’s because it was a word that didn’t exist for the experience until recently. When people hear that you are only ever sexually attracted to select people after a close bond is made, and that sounds ludicrous to them because it sounds like no one could have that experience because lots of people wait until a relationship is serious to have sex so that must be what you’re giving a fancy name and a flag to — well, rumors that dismiss it sound more realistic than the lived experience of it when the experience was only recently even named.
But I’m still here, still demisexual and graysexual (in my case, I use both terms) trying to figure out how to get past the 101 and breach the bubble to all the people who are outside of the part of the world that cares that demisexuality exists.
The theme of Ace Week this year is Beyond the 101. When I first heard that I was actually not completely stoked. I was excited, in a way; Ace Week is Ace Week. But there’s a big problem with Beyond the 101 for graysexuality and demisexuality… most people don’t even know the 101 of asexuality, or that there is a spectrum within it — and these are labels within the spectrum of it. The 101 on demisexuality seems often unavoidable — at least in my experience since being out. It feels like I’m constantly giving the 101 to everyone I talk to about it. I have come to not expect the people who I say “I’m demisexual” to understand what that means or how I might experience it. Even some people who I’m close to have said I’m basically my romantic orientation and cancel out my sexual orientation, that because I rarely experience sexual attraction and am…
