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It took me a number of years to put all the pieces together pertaining to my sexuality. Most of my life, I thought that it was very straightforward and that I just didn’t know how to describe what I was and wasn’t experiencing. After learning about the asexuality spectrum in my 20’s, however, I found out that there was a name for my experiences and my sexuality: demisexual.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person does not experience sexual attraction towards anyone of any gender. This is not an illness or a lack of hormones — this is a natural and normal sexual orientation. Within asexuality there are a spectrum of orientations that capture experiences where someone may rarely feel sexual attraction, or only feel it under a specific circumstance.
Demisexuality is one of these orientations housed under the asexual umbrella. It means that a person only has sexual attraction after a close bond is formed. What this looks like is different for every demisexual — just as when discussing any orientation, it’s important to keep in mind that everyone experiences the world in their own way. For me, this means a close emotional bond needs to be formed romantically, and it also means that most of my close relationships do not involve sexual attraction. In my life I’ve probably only genuinely had sexual attraction 5 or 6 times. Because of this, I also identify with the label “graysexual”, also referred to as “gray ace”, which is when someone rarely feels sexual attraction.
Please keep in mind that these are based on my own experiences as an American millennial in my late 20’s and that your experiences may differ. Also please keep in mind that no one list or person can tell you your sexual orientation except you — this is just meant to be a helpful reflection on experiences.
Without further ado, here are 7 signs that you might also be demisexual.
When you read about demisexuality you immediately think “isn’t that how everyone is?”
It’s important to keep in mind that there is a difference between waiting for a relationship to get serious before having sex and only having sexual attraction at all if a relationship — platonic or romantic — becomes serious. Most people abstain…
